


Don't Go

by MonochromeMog



Series: Vocaloid Songs Inspired Fanfics [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Caring Gabriel, Emotional Hurt, Gabriel Tries, Hurt Sam, Ikanaide, Loneliness, M/M, Mostly hurt, Sort of hurt no comfort, sam centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:32:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7092274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonochromeMog/pseuds/MonochromeMog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Gabriel would leave for a long time and Sam would be left saying 'Don't go.'</p><p>*warnings inside.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Go

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, angst. 
> 
> I don't own SPN or its characters. 
> 
> God, I am so depressing. I'm just tired and I haven't wrote anything in a while, y'know? And I really like this song. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Don't Go

 

It's not like Gabriel never left, he left all the time. He would stay with me for maybe five hours, but then he would say he has business he has to take care of. I usually don't mind, since he usually only leaves for two days at the most and I know how troublesome Heaven can be. Gabriel's duty was to look after Heaven while God was away, along with Castiel, of course, so I understood why he left and I'm okay with it...

I'm okay with it...

I'm... Not okay with it. 

When I say that, what I really mean is that sometimes he would sometimes leave for 5 weeks and leave me behind with no one. Dean would usually go out to a bar or something while Castiel and Gabriel are away, he said he doesn't want to do any hunts without some 'angel back up.' I wouldn't go to a bar, I would stay inside. Hoping Gabriel would come back, but then it's all wishful thinking. 

He wouldn't come back for a long time. 

And that worried me, because I don't have an angel hotline; I can't call Gabriel to check if he was okay or alive. That was my biggest fear. I was scared in case I would end up waiting for him forever and never see him again. 

I never voiced these thoughts, though I think Gabriel can tell I'm reluctant to say goodbye. He always tells me exactly how long he'll be gone. And he never lied. But, that's what makes this so hard... 

"Hey, Sammy. Heaven duties call again..." 

I looked up from where I had been lying on Gabriel's chest. We were reading a Swedish book called 'Don't Ever Wipe Tears With Gloves: Love.' Gabriel recommended it to me a while ago, I've fallen in love with it so far and Gabriel would always read it to me. 

"Yeah? How long?" 

I saw Gabriel hesitate, before he replied. 

"Six months..." 

My heart stopped beating and my blood ran cold. Gabriel never left for that long. I looked at him in shock and tried to form words, but when nothing came out, I just buried my head in his chest. I didn't know how to react; I just felt very empty all of a sudden... And I could feel dread fill my stomach at the thought of being on my own for six months... 

"I'm sorry, Sammy... But it's serious..." 

I gulped, nodded shakily before replying. 

"When do you have to leave?" 

A sigh told me the answer would not be good. 

"Five minutes..."

My assumption was correct. 

I nodded shakily again, feeling tears burn in my eyes but I blinked them away. How could I be so selfish? Gabriel can't be with me all the time, he needs to attend to Heaven... Even if he has to leave for six months... 

"Come on, Sammy. Say something, anything..." 

Gabriel tilted my head up by placing a hand under my chin. Concern champagne eyes gazed into my glassy hazel ones and I tried my best at a wobbly smile. 

"Just... Be careful, alright?" 

Gabriel nodded, smiling a little too before ruffling my brown locks. 

"I have to go now..." 

I nod, get up from where I was lying on him and stood beside the bed. He stood as well after setting the book on the nightstand. He flexed his wings, the golden beauties stretching out fully and nearly filling the entire room. I hugged him tightly and gave him a quick peck on the lips, he smiled and patted me gently on the cheek. 

"Bye, Sammich." 

"Bye, Gabe..." 

But as he stepped back, took a deep breath and suddenly I was left alone expect for a golden feather, all I could think of was... 

"Don't go..."

My whisper echoed throughout the quiet room, where I knew I would be spending most of my days for six months. 

 

Dean didn't want to do any hunts. He said it would be best to wait for Castiel and Gabriel before diving into any serious hunts where we get ourselves killed. 

I don't know about him, but dying seems so much better than this...

It's been two months since Gabriel left and I've grown more cold each passing day. The motel room seemed mostly empty, Dean only came in to sleep and sometimes eat, but other than that it would just be me. 

I never thought loneliness could feel so haunting. 

Dying on a hunt, seems like a much better option than spending most of my time alone. 

Going outside didn't help as much as I thought it would. When I went outside, I was instantly met with delighted couples, married and dating. I would be reminded of Gabriel and I, I would be reminded that he's not with me and I'll probably never know if he died or not. One of these days where he leaves me, he could leave me for good. 

Going out at night was much better. The streets are deserted at night, as are the parks. I would walk down the sidewalk at midnight, watching the light shining from the lamp post stretched across the street, or sit on a swing at the park, listening to the creek of old playground equipment as the slight breeze moved it. 

However, taking walks on the beach at night would just remind me of the walks Gabriel and I took when he was off business. Sometimes, Gabriel would zap us to a private beach, where we would walk and swim. The sea in this city looked beautiful and I would love to walk on the sandy beach, but I didn't want to think about Gabriel right now.

I would just feel more empty, if possible. 

Looking back on the night he left, I wish I would have said those magic words, maybe he would be here with me and I wouldn't be so alone... 

"Don't go.." 

But I'm just a coward. I can't bring myself to tell Gabriel what I really need him to do, that I really want him to be with me, I really want him to chase away the nightmares, the madness, the sadness, the never ending emptiness... 

I could never hold Gabriel back from him duties, and I would never hope to. Gabriel would hate me if did... 

"I would never hate you, Sammy..."

I looked up so quickly, my neck nearly snapped. Was Gabriel here? Was he back? But it's only been two months—

But as my gaze landed on the empty air in front of me, I felt all my hopes and dreams diminish. Gabriel wasn't here. 

There was a letter though which I quickly opened to read. 

Dear Sammy 

I'm sorry, I didn't know me leaving causes you this much pain. If I could reverse and not be a archangel, I would. I want to spend more time with you, trust me, I'm miserable without you here by my side. 

I'll never leave you forever Sammy, you are the most important thing in my life and without you, it's hard to breathe. 

Take this feather. I hope it will bring you some comfort for while I'm away... 

Goodbye, Sammy. I'll see you soon. 

Love, you're friendly, neighbourhood archangel Gabriel. ♡

 

Tears were cascading down my face as I stared at the letter, my hands clutched the golden feather Gabriel had left me behind. A sob of despair escaped me as my body trembled and I slid to the unforgiving pavement. 

"Gabriel..." 

I gulped, my forehead pressing against the cool pavement. 

"Don't go... I love you..." 

It was so selfish of me to ask Gabriel not to go, but I was so dependent on someone who was independent. 

I'm a selfish human being that would rather let Heaven burn than be separated from Gabriel any longer. 

"Don't go away... Please come back... Come back... Come back..." 

I'm a despicable and selfish human being that just wanted his archangel to be with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! The song is called Ikanaide and Jubyphonic has done a English cover for it if you wanna check that out. ^^ 
> 
> Have a nice day!


End file.
